Christmas Denial

Apparently Christmas is in 43 sleeps. I'm in denial. But the evidence seems to be mounting. Here are the clues so far:

1. I go into a chemist to find christmas decorations for sale. I buy one and it is now on my mantle

2. Family are presenting me with Christmas wish lists

3. Christmas crafts for sale at local quilt show

4. Stores are selling Christmas trees

5. Some neighbourhood houses have lights up already

6. I find myself buying new lights to replace the ones the dog chewed

7. I go to a gingerbread house decorating night with Miss E.

8. I bought a Christmas present today.

9. My Christmas app tells me it's 43 sleeps till Christmas

10. I have written Staff Christmas Dinner into my diary

11. And lastly, J tells me she going to the Christmas Pageant in Adelaide tomorrow.

The evidence appears insurmountable. It just might be Christmas in 43 sleeps. I'm going to have to bring myself out of denial.

The next mystery then would be where is my Christmas mojo?? It is definitely AWOL.


On another note. Master B served as a waiter tonight at the Yr12 farewell dinner. In 12 months time it will be his farewell dinner. I picked him up afterwards and he says to me - I don't want Yr 12 to end. I ask why. He says I wont get to see everyone all the time- I'll miss my friends. Reality is sinking in for him. I don't want it to end either. The reality is sinking in for me as well. I think I'll spend the next 12 months quietly crying. Who am I kidding- I'll be howling, kicking and screaming!

Tired, tired, tired...

I've always had a healthy appreciation of single parents. I am a military wife, and that means lots of time on my own with children, doing all the running around and keeping life going for everyone, without any family support because of where we lived. But, I had knowledge that the Major would come home eventually. There was always a light at the end of the tunnel. (Ok, most at times it felt more like a train at the end of the tunnel providing that light.) It is hard, hard work. Thank goodness for good friends.

So, it feels ridiculous to complain about feeling so tired now. Now when my children are so much older and able to do much for themselves. Now that the Major doesn't go away for months at a time, rather just days. Now that I live closer to family.

I know all the lines- you're busy with teenagers, it's just a stage of your life etc etc. But for as far back as I can remember I have felt tired. Not just a bit of a yawn tired, but fatigued to the core.

My 1998 New Year's resolution was to try and develop more stamina.

I am working full time, but so do hundreds of other mums. I have tried to gauge myself against other women and have come to the conclusion that my fatigue levels are not normal. I wake up tired without fail every single day. I cannot remember ever waking up feeling refreshed. By morning tea I feel like I need a nap. All afternoon is spent yawning and trying to function. Some afternoons, like this one, I could hardly drive home without feeling like I was going to nod off.

I suffer from a condition that results in constant pain and my doctor (whom I've only seen twice ever!) says that dealing with that causes fatigue. But I'm not convinced. I've had this problem for way more than half my life, so much so that that is my "normal". Can there be more too it? I would love a magic solution, an answer that could just make it all better. I feel like I am dragging through life and missing out on all it has to offer.

Maybe the answer is more exercise? Supplements? Going to be earlier? Selling the kids? Quitting work? (thats a very tempting option)

Or maybe it is resisting denial and accepting I am getting older and busier and that's life. But I'm not convinced....

What is 'Normal'?

The two year mark of our latest move is fast approaching. Perhaps the hardest milestone of all. The point at which the novelty has worn off and you feel you should know people. Well, you do know people but just not beneath the surface. And that is the hard part.

I have been thinking a lot lately about whether life feels 'normal' yet. But what is normal? What defines my parameters of normal? We have moved 3 times in the past 6 years, so have I achieved normal at any point in that time? I don't really think so.

7 years ago we lived in in a beautiful Queensland town, where we had been living for the past 9 years. A perfect t own- good schools, good sport, good church, good friends. Life seemed normal. I had three young children, at various stages of schooling/playgroup. I had a large circle of friends I met/socialised with almost every day. We talked, laughed, cried together. I led a ladies bible study group. I led Sunday School. I quilted/stitched with friends every second week. I helped at school. I seemingly had it all together. That was my normal. And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

And so I've realised that that is what I'm basing my normal on now. A comfortable, secure, habitual life. But life now is nothing like that. I think I've spent the past 6 years trying to formulate new routines, find a new comfort zone but too many things have changed. Now I work pretty much full time.Other than this term, I don't have regular work days at a set place. The kids are older. I don't lead a ladies bible study group. In fact, I barely have time to go to one. I've managed to get there once in six months. My kids are not in primary school and they don't need me to volunteer. I DO finally go to a quilting group, but it is not with my very best friends. A group of ladies that I only see every fortnight.

So, I guess, this is my current "normal". It doesn't feel quite right yet. Maybe with time....after I scratch beneath the surface a little deeper....

Two weeks of school holidays and I had a list of things to do a mile long. And guess what??
It rained.
And rained.
And rained.

And hailed.

And was cold.

And a lot of the things on my list involved being outdoors.
Weeding my garden in which the weeds were taller than some of my trees.
Paving the mud patch outside the shed door.
Turning what was rapidly becoming paddock grass into a nice backyard lawn.
I felt rather let down by the weather.
But on the few moments of non wet weather, I did manage to get a start.

Despite, the weather conditions, I loved the holidays. I love, love, love being home with the kids. I feel extremely blessed that all my kids get along so well. The boys, despite being only two years apart, never fight. They are very different, but they are good buddies, good mates. And they accommodate Miss E very well. I am so grateful.

So, what did I do whilst stuck inside.
I did what all sensible people do.
I renovated my laundry.
Orange cupboards were just not my thing.

I much prefer white.

So that involved painting

Putting together flatpaks

And building a new clothes hamper

And I worked on heading towards finishing the en suite renovations. They have been going on since January. A new vanity and toilet.

I enjoyed the baking of Miss E

And started a very special memory quilt using the shirts of a special boy now living in heaven

So, perhaps the weather didn't let me down at all. Perhaps it just made me re-focus on other things.

But there was some sad news as the holidays ended.
My baby, who was born just yesterday, began his final year of school.

I'm not coping well. Actually,I'm not coping at all.

On a brighter note- only 39 days till I'm on six weeks Christmas holidays. But who's counting!

Work, work, work....

Work this term has been hectic. Earlier in the year I was sitting around wondering when the phone would ring, never knowing from one day to the next when I would be working. Now, I'm hanging out for a day off! At the beginning of the term I took a contract at a small school relieving for 5 weeks. This school would have to be my favourite school to teach at. Somewhere where you actually teach and not spend most of the day dealing with discipline and welfare issues. I had years 5 and 6 and I loved it. I did a unit on Antarctica which was lots of fun.

Plenty of opportunities for some great art lessons

Paper mache

Obligatory projects

But full time work brings the mounds of marking

I loved every minute of it and was a bit sad when it came to an end. Fortunately, I was able to move straight to another contract at another, much smaller country school, only 34 students. This one is 4 days a week for the rest of the year. A tougher cliental. A completely different approach to learning is needed here. These kids need a completely hands approach to learning, lots of practical experiences.

I had taught here last year for a few days and have to admit, found it a greater challenge than anywhere I have ever taught. In fact, I felt completely disillusioned with teaching an seriously considered never teaching again. So, it was with much trepidation that I accepted the contract to work there. I just felt that I couldn't be bothered any more with the attitude and behaviour issues. Why did I say yes? Because I couldn't say no. But I have been pleasantly surprised. No, they are not angels, things have not changed that dramatically. But a few of the key disruptive students have left. What a difference that has made. After five weeks there, I actually feel like I have worked out how to relate to them, how to keep them under control. Who knows, by the end of the year I may actually not want to leave. I shouldn't speak too soon...

Right now though, I'm on spring break and couldn't be happier about that!

Life is crazy. It's going too fast and I just can't seem to catch up. So much for journalling everything. The longer it went, the harder to get started. So backtracking bit by bit.

July school holidays. Seems like sooooo long ago. A distant memory. Holidays are funny like that. You plan for them for so long, enjoy every minute of them and then within no time they seem so long ago. We spent the first week at home. So much to do. A spare room that was in desperate need of a clean up, dentist appointments, hair appointments, some gardening, family visits and new born babies (niece and nephew) to meet.

Then, the Major and I boarded a plane and headed to Adelaide. Again.

A very quick 3 day trip to attend the birthday of a dear friend. A big birthday.

A big trip. A long way. But oh so worth it. Managed to catch up with a few friends.

Then, it was another flight to the Gold Coast.

A week with J and her family. A house on the Gold Coast canal.

It was the winter break, so not exactly beach weather which is what you would normally head to the Gold Coast for. We went for the Worlds- Dreamworld, White Water World and MovieWorld. After our time in the USA, I thought I would never want to visit a theme park again, but there's something about the fun the kids have at places like that. And we have so few of these holidays left with all of them. We wanted to do a 'kid' focused holiday with all of them, before Mr B's final year of school next year.

They had a great time. But J and I, well that's another story. We made the very bad decision to take on the Claw.

Two forty something year old, but young at heart women taking on the Claw. It had to be done. We were practicing for the Amazing Race after all. We would not be defeated.
I learnt three things. I am not a screamer, I just laugh a lot, even when being swung mercilessly on an almost 360 degree pendulum. Secondly,J is a screamer. Usually a big laugher, but not when being swung mercilessly from a giant pendulum. And lastly, The Claw remains unconquered by two forty something year olds who are perhaps more foolish at heart than young.

The end result- my lunch being an absolute waste of money and the rest of the afternoon spent sleeping in the car trying to recover. Both of us. At lest three hours before we felt half decent again. Apparently the rest of our families had an enjoyable day.

So, the next day, whilst they all tackled another world, J and I tackled the shops instead. Far more an achievable accomplishment for us.

Then, it was all over. An eight hour drive and we were finally home with school starting the next day.

Really, I needed a holiday to recover from our holiday.