Then I felt it. It started in my stomach and then surged upwards to my chest. A kind of cross between panic and disbelief. These 'men' were somebodies babies, someone's little schoolboy. I looked into their faces and could almost see what their mums saw on their first day of school, sweet, innocent babes. And I thought, this will be me in only a year. And we know how fast a year goes. It will be me listening to Mr B talk about his future plans. His future plans without us. And I just can't imagine our family without him around.
I'm not ready and don't even know how to make myself ready. I'm the mum who cried as I enrolled Mr B into pre-school. I'm the mum who couldn't bring herself to ever put her children into childcare, feeling it would deprive her of a day with her babies. I'm the mum who has spent half her life time in the classroom with her children so she
We live in a smaller country town. He has to leave in order to pursue a higher education or get a reasonable job. Will he want to come back? Sure, we're here, but is that enough? Have I smothered him too much, to the point he can't wait to leave? Have we moved so many times that he doesn't feel as though he has a base? He will have lived here for three years, is that long enough to have made those deeper connections and feel like this was home? Or was it just another place in a string of many.
How do you do it? How do you prepare? He's just my baby.
Oh, ok, so thousands of mums have gone down this road before me and survived. And I may have PMT which may or may not have tempered my emotions a bit. And it's probably nothing a good glass of red couldn't cure, but still....