Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

...Robert Frost...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Tired, tired, tired...

I've always had a healthy appreciation of single parents. I am a military wife, and that means lots of time on my own with children, doing all the running around and keeping life going for everyone, without any family support because of where we lived. But, I had knowledge that the Major would come home eventually. There was always a light at the end of the tunnel. (Ok, most at times it felt more like a train at the end of the tunnel providing that light.) It is hard, hard work. Thank goodness for good friends.

So, it feels ridiculous to complain about feeling so tired now. Now when my children are so much older and able to do much for themselves. Now that the Major doesn't go away for months at a time, rather just days. Now that I live closer to family.

I know all the lines- you're busy with teenagers, it's just a stage of your life etc etc. But for as far back as I can remember I have felt tired. Not just a bit of a yawn tired, but fatigued to the core.

My 1998 New Year's resolution was to try and develop more stamina.

I am working full time, but so do hundreds of other mums. I have tried to gauge myself against other women and have come to the conclusion that my fatigue levels are not normal. I wake up tired without fail every single day. I cannot remember ever waking up feeling refreshed. By morning tea I feel like I need a nap. All afternoon is spent yawning and trying to function. Some afternoons, like this one, I could hardly drive home without feeling like I was going to nod off.

I suffer from a condition that results in constant pain and my doctor (whom I've only seen twice ever!) says that dealing with that causes fatigue. But I'm not convinced. I've had this problem for way more than half my life, so much so that that is my "normal". Can there be more too it? I would love a magic solution, an answer that could just make it all better. I feel like I am dragging through life and missing out on all it has to offer.

Maybe the answer is more exercise? Supplements? Going to be earlier? Selling the kids? Quitting work? (thats a very tempting option)

Or maybe it is resisting denial and accepting I am getting older and busier and that's life. But I'm not convinced....

1 comment:

willywagtail said...

Just read your post. I'm no help to you except to say that my tiredness is so constant that I can't even work. I just do a once a week paper route and even that is stretched way past it's delivery time. the only thing anyone can agree onis that I suffer from depression, which is a little unfair since I am really a positive, happy person. Some possibilities looked into were andrenal gland malfunction, thyroid under or over function, sleep apnoea, chronic fatigue (a definite no to that) and now I am considering asking for testing on caeliac disease. You are not alone and your problem is undoubtedly real. It's just that the doctors don't know all the answers. Cherrie